An Observation
...Of course (it is a palpable decision); one can choose to be or not to be a Box Man...I have the option...and it is very seductive to go through with the decision...to become a Box Man…I want to know what it is like...the conception; to become a Box Man has come to me over time...I'm not certain when I first considered it...I guess it would have been during the reading of the book...some fifteen or so years…from that moment the seed had been sewn... in the past the idea of becoming a Box Man became manifest in drawings and sculptures...I was quite possibly evading the commitment ...I was circumventing the decision...could I become a box man? I think there is something compelling about those two words...I'll write them in capitals...BOX MAN...I understand that some people do not like those two words being recited in the book...there could be something within those two words that a few people struggle and tussle with...I think the notion of the Box Man suggests an 'otherness' and I wonder if they remind people of the possibility of limitless parameters of freedom...the box is immeasurable...infinite...the box is the opposite of secure ...it is opposite confinement...
It now makes sense to proceed...I wonder if this is part of the self-determination...you can exist within the box because you also know you can exist without it...one creates the choice where no previous choice existed...I am not certain at the moment if this makes me a 'False Box Man'...I do not think this is a question that others can exercise (as a cause of action) and use as evidence against me...who knows what a Box Man thinks and senses, each Box Man operates independently...we who may choose to live and frequent the box go our own way...the person and the personality, the character and our circumstances are entirely unique...each Box Man is of his or her own time...
There is anticipation in this period of preparation...I cannot wait to enter the box correctly for the first time. I do not use the book as my guide...I have taken only the conception and that is suffice...I will find my own solutions...and I will develop my own way of living...I live in a different place...no two places are alike...the book is not my guide...
There is something affirming about the search for the unknown...I provide no answers...people require answers; they want to be sure...they like certainty...the box man is of unknown dimensions...I have to experience its capacity.
I am still new to this...I'm still learning and still adjusting to the idea of life in the box...
It now makes sense to proceed...I wonder if this is part of the self-determination...you can exist within the box because you also know you can exist without it...one creates the choice where no previous choice existed...I am not certain at the moment if this makes me a 'False Box Man'...I do not think this is a question that others can exercise (as a cause of action) and use as evidence against me...who knows what a Box Man thinks and senses, each Box Man operates independently...we who may choose to live and frequent the box go our own way...the person and the personality, the character and our circumstances are entirely unique...each Box Man is of his or her own time...
There is anticipation in this period of preparation...I cannot wait to enter the box correctly for the first time. I do not use the book as my guide...I have taken only the conception and that is suffice...I will find my own solutions...and I will develop my own way of living...I live in a different place...no two places are alike...the book is not my guide...
There is something affirming about the search for the unknown...I provide no answers...people require answers; they want to be sure...they like certainty...the box man is of unknown dimensions...I have to experience its capacity.
I am still new to this...I'm still learning and still adjusting to the idea of life in the box...
Thursday 21st march 2013
1pm
Oh Christ! Where to start…I have entered the box…it is in my studio…it feels as if there is little or no air…the box quickly heats up…I am hyperventilating…I don’t know how best to position myself…I am immediately in some discomfort…I have my black overall and my metal toe-capped boots on…I start getting cramp in my feet…need to remove my boots…I have not prepared myself for this…I have everything I need for this first visit…I did not enter the box very well…I am sure it will get easier…the water bottle hangs behind me, likewise my one true luxury…a small pack up pillow to sit upon…that is if I can…sit down I mean…at the moment I’m kneeling…shifting I crouch…I’m discovering the extent of my new world…I am unfamiliar with the box…I positioned the box so the aperture faces the studio window…some light penetrates into the box…I switch on my head torch.
When I remove the box I need to turn it onto the front and vacate the box backwards…this means the pillow and the water bottle swing forward around my head…at least I’m aware that everything I carry with me in the box will have to be made secure. I do not intend to carry too many belongings with me…only necessities…things to help carry out repairs and a few luxuries…such as the pillow and the torch…maybe one should count the digital camera as a luxury also…I have a pencil and some index cards…but I’m unsettled at the moment…I can not settle…my body is resisting the box…the confinement…I’m sweating…the air is dry…I start to smell of cardboard. I’m cramped…my legs are not used to this…I’m not used to this…I haven’t tried to stand up yet…I am not sure the distances of anything around me…I put my glasses on…I need to sort myself out…I’m not prepared…I need to get out…I have no idea how long I was in the box for…ten, fifteen minutes…I vacate the box.
1pm
Oh Christ! Where to start…I have entered the box…it is in my studio…it feels as if there is little or no air…the box quickly heats up…I am hyperventilating…I don’t know how best to position myself…I am immediately in some discomfort…I have my black overall and my metal toe-capped boots on…I start getting cramp in my feet…need to remove my boots…I have not prepared myself for this…I have everything I need for this first visit…I did not enter the box very well…I am sure it will get easier…the water bottle hangs behind me, likewise my one true luxury…a small pack up pillow to sit upon…that is if I can…sit down I mean…at the moment I’m kneeling…shifting I crouch…I’m discovering the extent of my new world…I am unfamiliar with the box…I positioned the box so the aperture faces the studio window…some light penetrates into the box…I switch on my head torch.
When I remove the box I need to turn it onto the front and vacate the box backwards…this means the pillow and the water bottle swing forward around my head…at least I’m aware that everything I carry with me in the box will have to be made secure. I do not intend to carry too many belongings with me…only necessities…things to help carry out repairs and a few luxuries…such as the pillow and the torch…maybe one should count the digital camera as a luxury also…I have a pencil and some index cards…but I’m unsettled at the moment…I can not settle…my body is resisting the box…the confinement…I’m sweating…the air is dry…I start to smell of cardboard. I’m cramped…my legs are not used to this…I’m not used to this…I haven’t tried to stand up yet…I am not sure the distances of anything around me…I put my glasses on…I need to sort myself out…I’m not prepared…I need to get out…I have no idea how long I was in the box for…ten, fifteen minutes…I vacate the box.
2
I make myself a drink and I go outside into the playground. I sit quietly for a while on a bench…I feel emotional…I want to cry…this is not what I anticipated.
I make myself a drink and I go outside into the playground. I sit quietly for a while on a bench…I feel emotional…I want to cry…this is not what I anticipated.
3
I recount my time in the box…it seems unreal…what was it like…I should write everything down…why…for whom…me? I know what it feels like…I don't quite believe I am going through with this…the experience continues to be affecting.
I recount my time in the box…it seems unreal…what was it like…I should write everything down…why…for whom…me? I know what it feels like…I don't quite believe I am going through with this…the experience continues to be affecting.
4
I re-enter the studio…it is about an hour later. I look at the box…I am not certain I want to enter the box…I am aware I am clenching my teeth…I sit on one of the old wooden School chairs looking at the box…it is clear we are not as one…I realise that if I am to write about this experience then it must be whilst I occupy the box…I need to return to the box and once inside make myself comfortable…my plan is to get into the box and remain standing for a while…Whilst standing I shall orientate myself in the studio…become familiar with the boxes centre of balance…find out if my two hand grips are in the right position…and do they satisfy their intended function? I don’t want to balance the box upon my head…after this exercise in orientation I shall return to the seated position (the box is on the floor). I must position the back of the box against the wall in the studio so I can then rest firmly against the wall.
I re-enter the studio…it is about an hour later. I look at the box…I am not certain I want to enter the box…I am aware I am clenching my teeth…I sit on one of the old wooden School chairs looking at the box…it is clear we are not as one…I realise that if I am to write about this experience then it must be whilst I occupy the box…I need to return to the box and once inside make myself comfortable…my plan is to get into the box and remain standing for a while…Whilst standing I shall orientate myself in the studio…become familiar with the boxes centre of balance…find out if my two hand grips are in the right position…and do they satisfy their intended function? I don’t want to balance the box upon my head…after this exercise in orientation I shall return to the seated position (the box is on the floor). I must position the back of the box against the wall in the studio so I can then rest firmly against the wall.
5
I remove my boots and re-enter the box. The results of my thinking and my actions are agreeable.
I remove my boots and re-enter the box. The results of my thinking and my actions are agreeable.
6
I gain some measure of comfort…I take a few images of this strange new creation…whilst kneeling I remove the cushion from the compression sack…I place it behind me and sit down…the box feels slightly larger than I imagined…I take a picture of the world outside of the box…the interior of my studio. I put the camera down and take a drink of water from the water bottle…the water has a metallic taste…the tang of aluminium.
I gain some measure of comfort…I take a few images of this strange new creation…whilst kneeling I remove the cushion from the compression sack…I place it behind me and sit down…the box feels slightly larger than I imagined…I take a picture of the world outside of the box…the interior of my studio. I put the camera down and take a drink of water from the water bottle…the water has a metallic taste…the tang of aluminium.
7
Principally being a Box Man…or becoming a Box Man is about slowness…it is not about rushing…I need to get acquainted with my new environment. I simply let myself to be…but my head races away with me…I need to make some notes before I forget the nuance’s of the experience…be clear whilst it is still so new to me and my senses are heightened…I wonder if it is a little like being re-born (I simply conjure up fancies?)…Becoming a Box man is not about rushing…take your time: I’m still learning…I take hold of the pencil and the index cards and begin to recount my time in the box…the embryonic stage…on the first card I write, ‘An observation’.
Principally being a Box Man…or becoming a Box Man is about slowness…it is not about rushing…I need to get acquainted with my new environment. I simply let myself to be…but my head races away with me…I need to make some notes before I forget the nuance’s of the experience…be clear whilst it is still so new to me and my senses are heightened…I wonder if it is a little like being re-born (I simply conjure up fancies?)…Becoming a Box man is not about rushing…take your time: I’m still learning…I take hold of the pencil and the index cards and begin to recount my time in the box…the embryonic stage…on the first card I write, ‘An observation’.
8
What can I say about the box…the dimensions are approximately 80cm by 80cm in width and length and about 94 cm in height? I’m not sure if these are similar to Abe’s box…I’m not about to go looking in Abe’s narrative…I do not wish to compare like for like…this is my box…made by me…for me…
What can I say about the box…the dimensions are approximately 80cm by 80cm in width and length and about 94 cm in height? I’m not sure if these are similar to Abe’s box…I’m not about to go looking in Abe’s narrative…I do not wish to compare like for like…this is my box…made by me…for me…
9
…I’m a Box man! It is like saying ‘I’m alive! And one can repeat it as often as one wishes…it is life affirming.
…I’m a Box man! It is like saying ‘I’m alive! And one can repeat it as often as one wishes…it is life affirming.
10.
I write retrospectively about my first experience in the box, followed by my time out of the box…I still feel emotional about this…but I want to think about other things…so I start looking at what I have with me…what do I have inside the box? I realise that my work overall has some zipped pockets…these will be useful for carrying stuff…things I value…need…like my glasses…I need to keep them safely on my person…everything else stays in the box…I do not want to accumulate unnecessary stuff and I certainly do not want to strap a backpack to my person…the box may become my home.
I write retrospectively about my first experience in the box, followed by my time out of the box…I still feel emotional about this…but I want to think about other things…so I start looking at what I have with me…what do I have inside the box? I realise that my work overall has some zipped pockets…these will be useful for carrying stuff…things I value…need…like my glasses…I need to keep them safely on my person…everything else stays in the box…I do not want to accumulate unnecessary stuff and I certainly do not want to strap a backpack to my person…the box may become my home.
11.
On the cardboard shelf below the aperture are two plastic boxes with clip on lids…these have been affixed to the shelf with Velcro. I purchased some heavy duty stuff…I consider that if I wish to remove the plastic tub from the shelf I think the sticky pad will simply part company with the cardboard…however for now these two boxes are secure and any small things I have contained within will not fall out as and when I remove myself from the box…it is not a very elegant exit and so before vacating the box I will have to store everything away…it will become part of the ritual of preparation…I do not want to start loosing my few possessions…the less stuff I have the easier it will be to manage my affairs.
On the cardboard shelf below the aperture are two plastic boxes with clip on lids…these have been affixed to the shelf with Velcro. I purchased some heavy duty stuff…I consider that if I wish to remove the plastic tub from the shelf I think the sticky pad will simply part company with the cardboard…however for now these two boxes are secure and any small things I have contained within will not fall out as and when I remove myself from the box…it is not a very elegant exit and so before vacating the box I will have to store everything away…it will become part of the ritual of preparation…I do not want to start loosing my few possessions…the less stuff I have the easier it will be to manage my affairs.
12. Digital Camera, Spare battery, head torch, pencil, pencil sharpener, index cards on a metal ring (this is so it can hang from one of the suspension straps I’ve made). I have some spare Velcro a pair of scissors, a water bottle and a pillow…that is all I have for now.
13.
I need to try it out…walking about in it…what do I look like, my box and I? I go for a walk…as far as the great hall of mirrors.
I need to try it out…walking about in it…what do I look like, my box and I? I go for a walk…as far as the great hall of mirrors.
Images of Box Man walking: Julian Hughes (2015)